Day Three: we use every method of transport in Bangkok, and get pummelled by tiny Thai ladies

The proprietor of our hotel suggests we get the water taxi to Jim Thompson's house (American expat, fell in love with Thailand, not in a Thai bride style way, built amazing traditional style houses by the river, has 8th centuries Buddhas in his house, went missing in Malaysia in 1961). "Water taxi" we think, "how lovely, how hard can it be?". Hmmmmmmm.

We board the water taxi, which involves leaping onto a moving boat and nearly squashing several locals. The ticket lady comes to ask us where we are going. We have no idea. We pay for one stop. The boat stops. We can't get out without crushing several more locals, so continue to the next stop. I believe this is known as fare dodging, but the Thais don't seem too bothered. We get to the next stop, and make the leap from the boat, narrowly avoiding the filthy canal. We have no idea where we are, but pride ourselves on having travelled our first bit of public transport. We have no map, so wander for a bit in the heat, before taking our lives in our hands and getting in a tuk tuk - such fun!

We nosy around Jim Thompson's house, gorgeous gardens, raw silk, amazing artefacts, before getting the shuttle service (golf buggy) to the Skyride. We can do this! And we do. We may LOOK confused, but actually we are shit hot travellers who get to the right stop and everything. And then we don't know where we are, but after mooching around for a bit, instinct (and Vicky) take us down the road that leads back to our hotel. Hurrah! Time to get a beer and a swim before adopting the horizontal position for a few hours before we go all Fifty Shades of Grey and subject ourselves to a Thai massage.

My god, it HURTS. I spend fifty percent of my time worrying that she's going to either touch my fanny, or dislocate my hip, and I can't work out which freaks me out the most. Those ladies are vicious. But once she's finished cracking my toes, bruising my arms and bending me into positions that my body will not agree to, she starts on my back and shoulders. and it is blissful. The session ends with us both floating on air ( me and Vicky I mean, though I'd like to think the masseuse felt the same way too). And now we head out into the sweltering evening, as cocktails at the Sky Bar await us. Onwards and most definitely upwards.


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